Past Perfect
by Eunoia
Summary: My version of the early days of Lilly, Duncan, and Veronica's friendship. A little bit of Logan as well, but if I had to pick a protaganist I'd say it's Duncan. Please review.


_Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. Written for fun, not profit._

_Author's Note: This was written really stream-of-consciousness, so I couldn't bear to edit too much, even if it is a little messy. It just had a mind of its own. _

Later everyone assumed it had been Veronica and Lilly who were friends first and that Duncan followed. There was, after all, a noticeable pattern in which of the Kane siblings tended to initiate things. But in truth, the story went more like this:

There was a sudden upsurge in both noise and motion in Ms. Hall's sixth grade class when she told the students to pick partners to do their poetry projects with. This was truly the moment where you discovered who your true friends were. No one wanted to be one of the unlucky few who had to be assigned a partner by the teacher.

Duncan never had to fear this horrible fate. People swarmed towards him from all sides and it looked like Dick Casablancas was pulling to the head of the pack. Duncan almost visibly shuddered. Dick was fun to hang out at the pool with, but he was hardly someone you wanted to have to count on. Luckily, Veronica Mars was just returning from the bathroom and as she passed him at the pencil sharpener, he eagerly asked if she'd like to be his partner. She smiled and shyly nodded and he felt oddly pleased. Sure, she was one of the smartest students in the class, but that hardly explained the weird feeling in the pit of his stomach. He wondered if he had eaten too fast at lunch.

Suddenly he felt shy as well. They both stood there for a minute, oblivious to the noise around them until she finally asked, "So…when do you want to work on it?"

"Right, um. Maybe today?"

She was pleased, explained that last time she had worked with Madison Sinclair and had ended up doing the entire thing herself the night before.

"You think that's bad? I narrowly missed working with Dick," he joked and she fake grimaced and wiped her brow in the universal symbol of 'close call.' They arranged to meet after school and as he returned to his seat, he heard Madison theatrically whisper "Oh. My. God. Duncan is your partner? This is so very." He was pleased to see that Veronica just rolled her eyes and then turned towards him and mouthed something that looked suspiciously like "Fuck me gently with a chainsaw." Veronica was definitely surprising, that was for sure. She must have been at Shelly's oft-talked about slumber party where they managed to sneak in a whole stack of R-rated movies.

That afternoon they walked out of class together. She said she had to go to the office to use the phone and call her dad, but he offered her his cell phone.

"You have your own cell phone?" she asked incredulously.

"It's just a ploy for my parents to keep track of me," he said as they sat on the steps. "Well, mostly of Lilly. That's my sister," he added.

"Yeah, I know," she said as she dialed and he realized he had actually forgotten for a second that he was Duncan Kane and everybody knew him. Or thought they did anyway. She dialed and talked to her dad and he tried not to listen, but couldn't help but envy the easy way she joked with him.

When she got off the phone he said "So, our mom's probably going to pick us up today."

"Oh, does your dad usually do it?" she asked and the idea seemed so outlandish that he almost laughed.

"No. The driver." He was suddenly embarrassed.

"Oh." The statement is nothing; it's the way she says it that shocks him. She actually felt bad for him. Usually when he mentions having a driver or a maid or a groundskeeper people either ooh and aah or resent him, but she actually seemed to pity him. He wondered if it made him pathetic that he appreciated it.

His mom pulled up then and as she was smiling right until he introduced her to Veronica. Then her mouth pursed in that tight way that Lilly imitated so well.

"I don't see why you kids can't do your projects at the library," was all she said, but she unlocked the doors all the same and they climbed into the backseat. His face burned and for years later he would wish he had said something to her. At that moment he realized he never wanted anyone to say anything hurtful about Veronica Mars ever. He was shocked at the intensity of his own anger. But true to form he remained quiet. He had learned long ago that it was futile to fight with Celeste Kane, a lesson Lilly never would master.

They sat in the car for another seemingly endless half hour as Veronica unsuccessfully attempted to make conversation with Celeste. A parent had never disliked her before and this one seemed to downright hate her. Duncan just searched the schoolyard with his eyes, attempting to find his sister so they could get out of there as fast as possible.

"Where the hell is that girl?" his mother snapped, interrupting Veronica's attempt to compliment her blouse. "Why don't you call her, Duncan?"

He called her number, first on his speed dial of course, but they all groaned as they heard it ring from under the seat. He threw his hands up in defeat and grinned at Veronica as his mother launched on a tirade against "that girl's irresponsibility." Veronica grinned back, obviously trying her hardest not to laugh.

They were so intent that they all started when Lilly climbed into the front seat and slammed the door.

"I suppose you think it's funny to keep us waiting like this," barked Celeste.

"I was in the bathroom," Lilly protested.

"Yes, well, I should expect you'd need half an hour in the bathroom to apply that much makeup. You look like a two dollar hooker."

Veronica finally couldn't hold in her shocked laughter anymore and she snorted in a very unladylike fashion. This set Duncan off to and then Lilly who just loved to laugh. "Oh mother, when are you going to realize that every time to bitch at me for shaming the family you just end up shaming the family yourself."

Celeste seemed on the verge of retorting when Lilly grew bored of arguing and turned around to greet Veronica. "So Duncan, finally bringing a girl home," she teased. "About damn time if you ask me."

"Yes, well nobody did," said Celeste and both Duncan and Veronica were actually grateful.

Lilly excitedly quizzed Veronica all the way home and to Duncan's relief Veronica seemed to take to her immediately. As they got out of the car Lilly slung her arm over Veronica's shoulder and said "I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship." Duncan just rolled his eyes and remembered last week's promise that she would be best friends with Shelly Pomeroy forever and then yesterday's vow that she would never speak to her again. He just hoped Lilly wouldn't break Veronica's heart like she broke everyone else's. Based on previous behaviour, the only relationship that would last forever for Lilly was with him.

They decided to do their project on _The Rime of the Ancient Mariner_ and spent the next few hours coming up with outrageous ideas for their presentation. Veronica promised to get rain slickers from home and then told him all about her family's fishing trips every summer. He felt like he was there, laughing along with her and her dad as they stood waist-deep in muddy water getting dragged around by trout the length of his arm, as her mother sat on the riverbank and took their pictures, intervening only to make them throw all but one fish back. He was glad then that his father was on a business trip and not around to offer the services of his entire office in creating a multimedia presentation that would blow the other students out of the water.

They were having such a good time that he was shocked when his mother came in to announce that it was dinner time. Veronica quickly apologized for staying so long and asked for the phone to call her dad, but Lilly just said "Nonsense darling, you're staying for dinner." and swept past her protesting mother into the dining room.

After dinner (a good half hour after dinner of course) Lilly decided that they needed to take a break from studying and go for a swim. Veronica protested about not having a bathing suit, but Lilly magnanimously offered to lend her an old one. Veronica stammered something about fit, but Lilly shrugged it off and said "Oh, you mean the boobs? Believe me when I tell you these babies were a recent development. One of my old ones'll fit you no problem."

She pushed her ahead into her room and Duncan heard Veronica say "You make it seem like being, you know, _flat_ is no big deal. I would have been so embarrassed if anyone else talked about that."

"It _is_ no big deal, darling. Seriously, why are you in a rush to have creepy old men ogling you? They totally get in the way anyway. Soccer is like way harder with these things smacking me in the face anyway." Veronica giggled and Duncan was relieved that Lilly was choosing to show her nice side. She didn't do that for just anyone.

They stayed in the pool until they were prunes, laughing and dunking each other and watching Lilly attempt to imitate the senior's aquafit class at the club. Duncan felt like a kid and not the heir to the Kane legacy for the first time since he had ranked eighth in a statewide math contest at the age of nine and his parents had suddenly begun to look at him as not just their son, but as the future.

They were a threesome after that, always together. Not in school of course, as that would violate the sixth grade code that boys were not friends with girls, but they were rarely apart after school and on the weekends. Unlike most girls of her age, Veronica seemed in no hurry to grow up and it never seemed silly when with her to bike down the playground and ride the merry-go-round until they couldn't stand or to build sandcastles at the beach while other kids made asses of themselves attempting to wakeboard or showing off their baby fat squished into bikinis. His favorite afternoons were when they would take Backup for walks on the beach and he would throw the ball and pretend Molly was still around. He had told Veronica all about Molly and even that he had cried and she said that she totally understood, because she would probably cry for a month if anything happened to Backup. Right then he thought that maybe he loved her, but probably not because he was only twelve. And it wasn't like they were freaking Cory and Topanga.

And then school had ended and it was like heaven to spend entire days just lounging around with Veronica and Lilly, save the two weeks he spent at computer camp and the week he spent accompanying his dad to the most boring conference ever in Tokyo. That was also the summer that Logan had moved up to Neptune and it was great having another guy around, especially one that he was already friends with since Logan's dad was the spokesperson for one of his dad's charities. So then the threesome became a foursome and Duncan liked Logan enough that he pretended he didn't notice when Logan would appear in the hallway outside of Lilly's room with lip-gloss smeared around his mouth and his shirt buttoned crooked.

The one weekend that Duncan would hold onto forever was when Mr. Mars took them camping. They were spending a rare afternoon at Veronica's house, so much smaller and with parents who were actually around, not to mention even weirder around Duncan and Lilly than their mom was around Veronica, in her mom's case. Veronica's dad had come in and kissed her on that forehead in that familiar way that made Duncan, Lilly and Logan all feel the need to look away in embarrassment. They had started talking about their annual camping trip and Lilly surprised even herself when she suddenly said "That sounds sooo fun."

"You, camp?" Veronica had laughed. "You realize they don't have flush toilets or cable or even mirrors."

"Now, Veronica," her dad had said, "never judge whether someone would like something without giving them a chance."

Lilly beamed up at Mr. Mars and Duncan knew what the power of that grin could do so he wasn't surprised when the three of them were invited to come along. Logan begged off on account of his father "requesting" his presence at the premiere of his new family-themed movie, but Lilly and Duncan were both more excited than they would let on. Duncan knew that they'd be going because he knew that Lilly had her heart set on it.

And so it was that they set out on what would be the best weekend of Duncan's life for years to come. What was so remarkable about the weekend was that nothing remarkable happened. Hours were spent lazing around by the water reading Harry Potter, making s'mores, and walking the two miles into town to go mini-golfing. Lilly took to it like none of them would have imagined and eagerly helped Veronica's dad set up the tents, start the fire, and cook the meals. Duncan suspected this was partly to give him time alone with Veronica, but he wasn't going to complain.

Their last night out there he and Veronica sat on the pier, toes skimming the water, calves occasionally bumping each other. After sitting in silence for ten minutes he finally took a deep breath and quickly blurted out "Doyoumaybewanttobemygirlfriend?"

Veronica remained quiet for what seemed like an eternity and he almost attempted to save himself with the "I was just joking around" defense, but then she said "I'm not allowed to date until I'm thirteen and three quarters."

He laughed, glad to have an excuse to let out the weird giggle that had been straining to come out. "Thirteen and three quarters?"

"My dad said sixteen, my mom bargained him down to thirteen and three quarters," she explained wryly. He nodded and wished he could think of something witty to say like he knew Logan would have in this situation. "The thing is, and I know this sounds really dorky, but I don't think I'm ready yet anyway. You know, for a boyfriend."

"Oh. Well, that's okay. As long as it's not because you're repulsed by me."

"Hardly," she said in such a way that made him feel like he would wait for her forever if that's what it took.

They sat for another few minutes, just watching the sun go down and slapping at mosquitoes. He loved the easy way she would smack at a bug on his knee as though his skin didn't burn everywhere her hands had touched. Suddenly she said "Duncan? I know this is totally selfish of me and possibly the slightest bit slutty, but would you maybe want to kiss me anyway? I know it's not fair to you, but there's just no one else I would want my first kiss to be with, and…" she continued to babble in an uncharacteristic fashion, but his mind had stopped somewhere around "kiss me," or possibly around "slutty."

A mind being an integral part of speech he just numbly shook his head until he regained the ability to speak when he said "Trust me when I say I _really _don't mind." Then she smiled and tentatively leaned towards him and as his lips touched hers he had never been more glad that he had turned his head when Shelly Pomeroy attempted to kiss him on a dare at Lilly's twelfth birthday or that he had turned Troy Vandergraff's drunk fourteen-year-old cousin down when she offered to deflower him last summer at the cape.

Lilly came down to the pier with them almost immediately after and Duncan knew she must have been lingering in the bushes, but he couldn't bring himself to care. The three of them lay on the pier, spread out like a flower, their heads touching and then Lilly reached out to grab his hand and probably Veronica's on the other side and said softly "I wish it could be like this forever."

There was something in her voice that was so much _sadder_ than he was used to and he wanted to say something, but knew there was nothing he could say. Veronica gamely tried and offered that maybe it could be, but they all knew it wasn't true. The future would catch up to them sooner or later and there was nothing they could do about it. But oh, if ever there was a moment that should last forever.

Duncan would hold onto that time for years. As gaps in his memory increased in frequency and length, as Lilly lived harder and harder everyday until he knew such a life could not last long, as his picture-perfect relationship with Veronica crumbled, as his family seemed to drift even farther apart, as Logan of all people became the only constant, he held these memories. They soothed him to sleep at night. They calmed him down when he got in one of "his moods," as his mother put it. They were his fairytales and his religion. It's why he wasn't overly surprised when Lilly began to haunt him. He traveled with an entourage of ghosts anyway.

Later when he and Veronica got back together he saw the way Logan looked at them, knew that Logan thought he was pretending she was the Veronica she had been before. But what he created was an illusion of a different kind, one of two girls on either side of him, holding hands. One with an almost defiantly naïve desire for fairness and justice and happy endings, one with an unquenchable thirst for action, triumph, and war itself. Two girls now merged into one. Two girls who would take on the world as he watched in awe. Two girls that he was somehow lucky enough to be loved by.

It was on Lilly's fourth birthday as she blew out her candles and made sure he was watching (_look Daddy, look) _that he realized he no longer thought about those days regularly. That the thoughts that soothed him to sleep were of Lilly in her ballerina costume on Halloween, Lilly naming her stuffed dog Daddy, Lilly showing him the dance moves she learned by copying some horrific clown on TV.

And oh, that radio show psychiatrist he listened to in the mornings on his clock radio would not approve, would say it was not healthy to construct a life based on the love of one person, but Duncan didn't have a better solution. And he had no illusions about Lilly. He loved her qualities and her flaws and everything she could be and everything she couldn't. He loved her in a way that he wondered if his parents were even capable of. At least his life was happening in the present tense again. He couldn't ask for more.

He still thought back to those days and was grateful for his girls, those girls who made him, who shone so bright that he appeared to shine too, the moon reflecting the sun's light because even the night deserved a little bit of light.

_A/N: "so very" and "fuck me gently with a chainsaw" are references to the movie _Heathers.


End file.
